The Time I Won the Lottery

Winning the Cavs LotteryDeserae and I win a LOT of stuff.

As I have discussed before, most people find this insufferable. But when they’re done rolling their eyes and saying angry things I hope they don’t mean, everyone always comes back with the same question:

“How are you so lucky?”

My response: #blessed.

I say this because I know it’s what I’m supposed to say, not because it’s how I actually feel. Deep down, I’ve always been convinced that I’m lucky with these things because I make my own luck. Like, if you enter more, you’re probably going to win more, ya know?

However, even I know that saying “I make my own luck!” makes me sound like the worst person in the world. So I’ve kept saying what I say and believing while winning what I win.

That all changed last Monday when I won the first Cavs ticket lottery of the season.

To give you a little background, the Cleveland Cavaliers are the luckiest team in the world. They are also a team that should not for one second believe they make their own luck, since they somehow got every good player in the NBA to agree to play for them this year, despite being so bad last season that this guy thought he was too good for the team.

Let's all pause for a moment to remember the Andrew Bynum era.

Let’s all pause for a moment to reflect on the Andrew Bynum era.

People still cannot believe that this summer happened, so they’re willing to pay $500 for the cheapest ticket on StubHub for the home opener just to see it with their own eyes. As a result, the 2014 Cavs home opener is the hardest-to-find Cleveland ticket since the last good sports thing happened here 20 years ago.

Anyways, the team held onto a few single-game tickets to every game this year, and decided to sell them through a lottery system wherein 1 million fans give all their contact information to the Cavs marketing folks in exchange for a .001% chance of buying tickets at regular price.

I signed up and forgot about it, before finding out last week I had won the lottery! The first month lottery! THE ONE THAT INCLUDED THE COVETED HOME OPENER! #blessed!

When I found out, I ran around my office, annoying co-workers who had not won the lottery, then went into full make-my-own-luck mode.

See, the lottery opened up tickets for the full first month, not just the home opener. And since the NBA season lasts longer than most animals get to live on earth, nobody wants to go to a November NBA game. The only game anybody would really want from that first lottery would be the home opener, meaning it would sell out within 20 seconds.

I had to get those tickets.

Since the NBA season lasts longer than most animals get to live on earth, nobody wants to go to a November NBA game.

During the two-and-a-half hours between the time I found out I had won the lottery and noon when the tickets went on sale, my full-time job became overthinking.

I started reading articles about how to get tickets to popular concerts. Most articles said not to open multiple Internet tabs because ticket sites don’t like that. GOOD TO KNOW.

I called the Cavs, who said I was allowed to get up to six tickets, but I could give myself the best chance of getting into the home opener by securing the two that I need in my cart, then going back and adding more. GOOD TO KNOW.

At 11:20, I changed the batteries in my wireless mouse.

At 11:30, I closed everything on my computer but the Cavs site to make it run faster.

At 11:40, I considered practicing Captcha codes.

At 11:50, my pulse reached 180 BPM.

At 11:57, my boss stopped by my desk to chat. I opened my mouth to respond, and instead hyperventilated.

At 11:59, he left before I could say something that would get me fired. I began to refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh refresh refresh refreshrefreshrefreshrefreshREFRESHREFRESHREFRE…

12:00! Enter the code! Two $35 tickets! Continue! OH NO THERE’S A CAPTCHA CODE I’M SO BAD AT THESE IS THAT A CAPITAL “S” OR A…



Oh OK.

Got it.

Two $35 tickets for the home opener. I made my own luck!

After taking half a second to pat myself on the back, I opened another tab like the Cavs phone representative said and tried to add four more tickets to my cart. The game had already sold out, so I returned to my cart and continued checking ou…

— ERROR 761: Your browser’s connection with the server has been lost. Please start your transaction again.–

aaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (That was an out-loud scream that had to make all my non-lottery winning co-workers at least a little happy)

I tried again. Nothing. One more time. The tickets were lost for good.

That’s when I remembered the article I had read two hours earlier that warned not to open multiple tabs on ticket websites. I nearly threw up.

I called the Cavs ticket office in a dead panic.

“I had two tickets to the home opener and now they’re gone and IDONTKNOWWHATTODO PLEASEHELP!!!!!!”

After a couple variations of “Wait, you really think we can help you?!” the ticket guy finally sighed and said, “Let me see what I can do.”

While on hold, I prayed like I had never prayed before. I promised A LOT of things to God.

Ticket guy came back. “Yeah, that game’s sold out.”

“PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE [NOTE: I can’t be sure this is an exact quote, but it’s at least close, and it’s exactly what the ticket guy heard on the other end of the phone.]

“I can’t…”


“Hold on.”

I promised God some more things. It occurred to me that if I’d just stuck to the simple plan I had when I first won the lottery (buy four of the cheapest tickets possible) instead of “making my own luck,” I’d already be planning my trip to the game.

“You there?”


“It looks like some people’s tickets dropped out of their carts and are back in the system now. Try again.”



“Sorry, I’ll keep looking for a supervisor.”


Loudville Corner
$64 x 2

Two tickets in my cart. Delivered by angels. They cost twice as much as my first tickets, but I was fine with it.  I’ve paid MUCH more for life lessons throughout my life.

When I told people I’d purchased the tickets, they said their angry things, then asked how I got so lucky.

My response, of course: #blessed.

This time, I actually meant it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some hasty promises to God to follow through on.


Sometimes, it’s better to be lucky blessed than good. 

2 Comments The Time I Won the Lottery


    I’m glad you got the tickets man. I was getting worried toward the end of the story. Haha. That was a close one. Who’s the cartoonist? The art here is epic.


Leave a Reply