“Planning a wedding is a not as big of a deal as people make it out to be.”
– Dustin Brady, May 2009
Before I got engaged, I was happy to provide this quote over and over when the subject of weddings came up because I was young and dumb. In a few short months, I would learn learn that planning a wedding is a much bigger deal than one would think if one had not been planning said wedding since age 5. If you’re thinking about getting married, here are a few of the things that become very big deals, very quickly.
The Colors
“This is not the right magenta.”
– Deserae Nero, multiple occasions
I have never been to a wedding and noticed any kind of color scheme. This is unfortunate, because after having survived the wedding planning process, I now realize the color of everything from the bridesmaid dresses to the M&Ms has been painstakingly chosen for my enjoyment.
In the month after our engagement, I was consulted many, many times about the color scheme for our wedding. These conversations served as my introduction to what would become an extremely valuable skill: Articulating an opinion on something I have zero opinion on.
Deserae would start the interrogation by presenting new color swatches some helpful sales clerk had given her.
“I want black and pink, but I don’t know which of these shades of pink we should use. What do you think?”
“Yeah, pink is good.”
“Right, but which pink?”
“Like any of them, right?”
“What does that mean? We have to pick one, Dustin.”
“I don’t know, what do you think?”
[Long explanation, the gist of which is: Many of these colors have these pros and cons, and ultimately I am still undecided, which is why I’m coming to you in the first place.]
“Yeah, that sounds good, let’s do that one.”
We ultimately chose black and magenta for a long list of reasons that I do not remember. I do remember being relieved that we had finally picked colors. That was stupid.
I was under the impression that there is only one shade of magenta. As I would learn over the coming months, there are INFINITE shades of magenta. Deserae, with the help of her color swatch, quickly became a master of not buying perfectly fine magenta-colored items that didn’t exactly match OUR magenta.
Months of squinting, haggling and maybe a few tears led to a unified color scheme that I’m sure our guests enjoyed very much. Just know that if you want to make a bride cry tears of joy on her wedding day, tell her that you like how all of the teal at the reception matches perfectly.
The Guests
“Getting married is about making everyone else happy.”
– Nick Biernacki, July 23, 2014
Nick is marrying my sister, Sarah, in a week and a half. When he first got engaged, he believed (as did I) that getting married would be a fun party where you stuff yourself with great food and cake. Over the past year, however, he’s come to realize that getting married is all about letting everyone else have a fun cake party, while you make sure nobody gets offended.
Nowhere is this more evident than the guest list. I remember looking at the ever-growing guest list with Deserae and having the following conversation more than once:
“Who are these people?”
“I thought you knew them.”
“I don’t know them!”
“Well if I don’t know them and you don’t know them, who invited them?”
“Your mom.”
“Oh.”
Once the guest list is done, you breathe a sigh of relief because you think the hard part is over. It’s not over. You’ve still got the seating chart.
About two weeks before the wedding, you sit down with your significant other to complete the hardest puzzle of your life. You know those logic puzzles that are like, “A farmer has to cross a river with a fox, a goose and a bag of beans, but he can only bring one at a time on the boat with him, and if left alone, the fox will eat the goose and the goose will eat the beans. What does he do?”
The seating chart is like that, except in addition to the fox, the goose and the beans, there’s also the ant, the monkey, the mangoes, the snake and the bear. And you have to remember that the ant had a falling out with the snake five years ago, and the snake will be upset if she isn’t sitting at least near the monkey, and the monkey is allergic to mangoes, but the snake loves mangoes, and the bear hates everyone.
Everything
“I’m starting to waver from that motto.”
– Sarah Brady, July 27, 2014
My sister Sarah is a very laid-back person. For the last year, whenever someone has asked her about the dresses or the cake or the invitations, she has smiled, tilted her head and repeated her motto.
“Everything always gets done somehow!”
She is starting to waver from that motto. That’s because “everything” for a wedding is a lot of things.
There’s the favors and the expensive mesh bags for the favors and the perfectly matched coral ribbons to tie those bags and the wording for the tags to attach to the ribbons and the font for the words.
Then there’s the catering guy and the video guy and the piano guy and the soundboard guy and the clean-all-the-rice-off-the-church-parking-lot guy and gifts for all of them.
A wedding is a big decision (“Do you take this woman?”) surrounded by a thousand tiny decisions (“Do you take this standard appetizer or splurge to have it wrapped in bacon?”) But here the thing: Everything will get done.
Everything always gets done somehow.
A wedding is a big decision (“Do you take this woman?”) surrounded by a thousand tiny decisions (“Do you take this standard appetizer or splurge to have it wrapped in bacon?”)
I know this because four years ago tomorrow, I got married. I don’t remember what we gave the flower girls or who vacuumed the church; I just know that all the little decisions finally got done, and the one big decision made everything worth it.
The wedding day went by so fast, that I don’t remember most of the details we’d been obsessing over for months. I’m assuming everyone enjoyed the salad, and nobody started screaming when they saw their table at the reception, so that’s good. I do remember smiling a lot. I remember stealing glances at Deserae all day, because she looked HOT.
I remember going to Arby’s in my wedding clothes.
With all the people talking to Deserae and me during the reception, we didn’t end up eating much food. Adrenaline got us through the reception and the photos, but starvation hit as soon as we said our last goodbyes and started driving away.
That’s why we found ourselves in the late-night Arby’s drive-through in a full tux and wedding dress. All the way home after we got our food, we laughed about the surprised face the drive-through girl made when she saw us and how goofy we must have looked.
For me, that one unplanned trip to Arby’s was more memorable than all the little things we’d planned throughout the day. It was a ridiculous, insignificant moment, but it was also a mini adventure with my best friend. Four years later, my favorite part of being married is still going on adventures with my best friend.
Happy anniversary, Deserae. I can’t wait for more adventures.
LIFE LESSON #26
Everything always gets done somehow.