Deserae and I have different feelings about Chipotle that are summed up by the following quotes:
“Chipotle is a pretty good fast casual restaurant that does not make me feel horrible when I eat it.” – Dustin Brady. March 11, 2015
“Wouldn’t it be amazing if I quit my job and started working at Chipotle?” – Deserae Brady. Multiple occasions
Deserae’s dream is to eat a steak taco bowl every meal for the rest of her life. She gets irrationally angry any time someone suggests that Moe’s Southwest Grill is better than Chipotle. One time I took her to Chipotle on Valentine’s Day, and she said it was the most romantic thing I’d ever done.
Of course, I had no idea what I was starting when I first suggested that we pick up Chipotle one Sunday afternoon a few years ago. We made it through the overwhelming assembly line (“I’ll have the brown salsa.” “You mean the green salsa?” “I mean that…” “DON’T REACH OVER THE GLASS!”) and sat down.
“It’s pretty good,” I said after a few bites.
“It’s really good!”
“Yeah, I like the way they…”
Deserae’s eyes got wide. “This is really, REALLY good!”
I don’t know if this is true because I’ve never seen it occur, but I imagine her reaction was not unlike someone who’s just tried cocaine for the first time.
Next Sunday after church, Deserae suggested Chipotle again. I obliged because it seemed like an easy way to make my wife happy.
Then the next week: “So we’re going to Chipotle today, right?”
“We can’t go every week. It’s too expensive.”
“But it’s a tradition!”
I squinted at Deserae. “A what?!”
“It’s our new tradition to go to Chipotle every Sunday after church!”
“It’s certainly not.”
“Fine, can we just go this once?”
“Fine.”
3 Months Later
“So Chipotle today, right?”
“We just went…”
“I worked overtime this week!”
“Didn’t you already use that excuse for Chinese food on Friday?”
“It’s a tradition!”
“Please stop saying that.”
5 Months Later
Deserae is telling everyone about our new Sunday Chipotle tradition. By now she has developed an elaborate ordering system wherein she turns one meal into enough leftovers to warrant a giant to-go bag. It is a lot like Jesus feeding the 5,000.
7 Months Later
“Come on, rock paper scissors!”
“No.”
“Rock paper scissors!”
“Fine.”
…
“Waitwaitwaitwait, best of three! Dustin, don’t walk away! BEST OF THREE!”
…
“YES! THE TRADITION CONTIN…”
“IT’S NOT A TRADITION!”
9 Months Later
Despite missing maybe three weeks of Chipotle in the last nine months, I still refuse to call it a tradition. Tradition means that you’ve got to add Chipotle to the budget, and (1 steak taco + 1 chicken burrito + 1 order of chips and salsa) x 52 = a lot more money than you would think.
Plus, I’ve just come to the realization that ALL traditions exist to get people to do something they don’t want to do. Like, the only time anyone ever says, “Because it’s a tradition!” is when they’re trying to convince a loved one to spend a day with relatives they don’t like or bring a dead tree into the house or drop $4,000 on red, white and blue explosives or eat candy corn.
I decide to put my foot down. No matter what happens, we would not be going to Chipotle next week. No. Matter. What.
9 Months and 1 Week Later
1 Year Later
I run into my cousin while walking out of church.
“You guys doing anything for lunch?”
“We’re going to Chipotle.”
“You really like Chipotle, dontcha?”
I shrug. “It’s a tradition.”
LIFE LESSON #59
Tradition always wins.