I played soccer and baseball all four years of high school. Although I can’t be certain, I truly believe that if I wasn’t the worst two-sport athlete of all time, I was certainly in the discussion for top 5.

People with my skill set are supposed to try Little League for two years, then join the marching band. But a perfect storm of perseverance (stubbornness), undying belief in myself (delusion) and a small high school (He’s a senior, so I guess we have to let him play?) kept me pressing on.

I was a terrible high school athlete and am currently an even less athletic adult, so what reason could I possibly have for playing in my high school’s alumni soccer game last Friday?

I blame it on the shoes.

Continue reading →

Every year, Deserae and I try to take a short out-of-town trip to celebrate our anniversary. Two years ago, I planned the best one ever: a weekend at an awesome cabin in Hocking Hills. There would be sweet hikes, hot dogs over the fire, millions of stars, rock climbing – it was going to be the best.

The weekend finally arrived, and after Deserae finished packing with five jackets (tomorrow night is supposed to be kind of cool), enough marshmallows to insulate our cabin (you like s’mores, right?) and everything else we own (just in case!), we were off.

I was so pumped that I was even able to tune out Deserae’s obnoxious talking GPS for the first few hours. But sometime around Columbus, it started to get on my nerves. Continue reading →

The Life Lessonbook is not usually an angry site. I do not write controversial things about politics or social issues or child discipline.

Today, this is an angry site.

That’s because last week, I met a genius.

It all started about a month ago when my iPhone began randomly heating up to a million degrees and burning through half the battery in 20 minutes. I was a little alarmed the first time my phone turned into a small fireball inside my pocket, but because I am kind of a lazy person, I didn’t do anything about it.

After it happened a few times, I tried resetting it, restoring it and deleting a few apps with no success. Last week, after it happened again, I plugged it into my MacBook Pro at work to recharge it, then a very bad thing happened. Continue reading →

I worked all four years of college as a telemarketer. This isn’t a fact I’m particularly proud of, and I’m still a little nervous that I’ll someday have to answer to a LOT of people who ended up with the New York Times despite not actually wanting it.

Most people who work telemarketing hate it (if you can imagine). The average lifespan of a telemarketer is probably about a month and very few people ever make money at it.

I was one of the few. There were weeks that my hourly wage with commission was two or three times what I’m making now, SIX YEARS after college. I was good because I discovered the two-part secret of telemarketing (and convincing anybody to do anything):

1. Get the person to think that it’s his idea to order a newspaper from New York even though he lives in Mobile, Alabama.
2. GET OFF THE PHONE FAST. Continue reading →

“Planning a wedding is a not as big of a deal as people make it out to be.”
– Dustin Brady, May 2009

Before I got engaged, I was happy to provide this quote over and over when the subject of weddings came up because I was young and dumb. In a few short months, I would learn learn that planning a wedding is a much bigger deal than one would think if one had not been planning said wedding since age 5. If you’re thinking about getting married, here are a few of the things that become very big deals, very quickly. Continue reading →

Nobody likes Bicycle Guy.

Bicycle Guy owns a yoga studio full of tights. His bike weighs less than your shoes. For some reason, he needs cleats to pedal. His seat (which he insists on calling a “saddle”) is half a cheek wide and costs three times more than your office chair. He chooses to ignore perfectly good bike paths so he can clog up traffic in the street.

He is the most obnoxious person in the world.

Last Saturday, I found myself surrounded by Bicycle Guy. That’s because I decided to participate in the Cleveland Clinic’s “VeloSano,” a bike race created to raise money for cancer research.

I did not blend in. Continue reading →

I do not recommend canoeing as a first date if you hope to reach date number two.

My wife and I canoed on our first date, and it was very nearly the last time we did anything at all. I thought it went great. Deserae did not. Here’s how it went:

HOUR 1

Dustin’s version:

It took a couple minutes for us to get on the same page.

Deserae’s version:

Dustin could not stop running into rocks. He just kept zig-zagging back and forth into Every. Single. Rock. Continue reading →

The regular marriage vows cover a lot of ground. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. For richer or for poorer.  

For my wedding, I was adamant that we stick with the original. None of this “I promise to forever be your Rock of Gibraltar.” You can feel OK sailing away from the Rock of Gibraltar if it starts acting crazy. “Til death do us part” leaves much less wiggle room.

This is all very important, because I walk in my sleep. Continue reading →