The Least Efficient Way to Make Money

Florida FridayIf you’re a criminal, stealing an ATM machine has to seem like the fastest way to make big bucks. The cash is right there for the taking behind a flimsy plastic door. How hard can it be?

The answer: Way harder than it seems. If you need proof, just Google “ATM robbery gone wrong.” You’ll find ATM machines that remain firmly intact after being set on fire, run over and blown up.

Thanks to an enterprising Florida man, we can now add another method to that list: repeatedly ramming the machine with a stolen forklift.

Last week, Synovus Bank employees in Jacksonville, Florida arrived to work to find an industrial forklift embedded into their ATM. The forklift turned out to be stolen from a construction site a half mile away. So either one of two things happened, and both are fantastic.

The first is that the thief decided that the best way to steal $1,000 from an ATM would be to complete an even more challenging theft first, then drive a stolen 10,000 pound forklift a half mile down the road in the middle of the night without getting noticed. The second is that the guy came across a golden opportunity to make off with a new forklift, then drove around town all night trying to figure out something to do with it.

Whichever it is, I wholeheartedly agree with commenter “Gruntbuggle.”

“I want to think he stole the forklift with a stolen crane.”

More Florida headlines from this week:

Police Take Pictures of Robber Asleep Inside Victim’s Home

Best line: #FloriDUH

50 Dead Cats Found in Florida Man’s Freezer

Best line: It remains unclear why Westcott kept dead cats in his freezer.

Florida woman named ‘Isis’ wants media to stop calling jihadists ‘ISIS’

Best line: Isis Martinez, who was named after her mother (who was named after the Egyptian goddess of the sky), told Fusion she has grown frustrated by all the negative reactions her name has elicited.

Florida mugshot of the year

Mugshot of the Year

Thanks to “Florida Man” on Reddit for all the news stories.


If you ever get to take an industrial forklift for a joyride, skip the bank. You’ll be very disappointed.

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